Notes from Underground Creative Writing Assignment

 Self doubt. Thats the basis of it. Self doubt in everything that I do and say. Am I smart enough? Good enough? I dont know. Maybe I never will. But sometimes I get out of these crazy ideas, and I think about how of course I will never know that. Nobody will. How can we? Thats crazy in itself. I think that it is accepting that we dont know anything about anything and just understanding that. But how do I know that maybe even my “better” judgment is correct? Maybe that is the corrupt thing. Maybe everything I say is influenced by others. See what I mean? My thoughts are insane and I will go crazy if I let myself fall into that kind of hell. It’s like that man was saying in “This Is Water” that  we have to really think about everything we think, and that we have the ability to change our thoughts if we want to bad enough.  That is so difficult though. Bad thoughts are so easy for us. I have found that my music helps be get out of that. When I listen to music my head stops turning and I can just relax. Music is a funny thing too, we can be so influenced by theses words sometimes we dont even realize it. Thats me being sceptic again. Or maybe its just normal?  I dont even know anymore. Thats the basic truth. I really dont know. I really don’t. 

This is a part of my Notes from Underground creative writing assignment. I part which I thought worked out of context. The basic idea for it was to sort of mirror the type of rant-like writing that the Underground Man wrote. It is an extreme version of thoughts that I have had before, written in a way that makes you look a little crazy. 

Revised Haiku- any suggestions?

this is water
thoughts swirl 
how can we change 

Earbuds in
She spaces out
no worries 

After the rain
streets clean
A new start

Riding to the beach 

wind in my hair 

eighth grade memories 

Horrible puns 

laughing all day 

best friends 

Some more Haiku

With earbuds in
She stares for a moment
The world is silent

After a rain
Everything is clean
A new start

Phone buzzes
She opens the message
And smiles

little golden puppy
Tail wagging
Peaceful bliss

A Few Haiku

January fog

my breath shows up 

on the windowpane 

sitting at a table

best friends 

laughing 

eighth grade 

riding to the beach 

wind in my hair 

New Years Resolutions

New Years just came and passed and I never really came up with any resolutions or goals to accomplish. As I am thinking about it right now, my biggest goal for this coming year is to think about other people before myself. I can recall a few times where I put my family aside when I was upset or stressed or too involved in my own world and it hurt them. I really want to fix that over the next year. Even if thats all I am able to accomplish I will be extremely happy.