Notes from Underground Creative Writing Assignment

 Self doubt. Thats the basis of it. Self doubt in everything that I do and say. Am I smart enough? Good enough? I dont know. Maybe I never will. But sometimes I get out of these crazy ideas, and I think about how of course I will never know that. Nobody will. How can we? Thats crazy in itself. I think that it is accepting that we dont know anything about anything and just understanding that. But how do I know that maybe even my “better” judgment is correct? Maybe that is the corrupt thing. Maybe everything I say is influenced by others. See what I mean? My thoughts are insane and I will go crazy if I let myself fall into that kind of hell. It’s like that man was saying in “This Is Water” that  we have to really think about everything we think, and that we have the ability to change our thoughts if we want to bad enough.  That is so difficult though. Bad thoughts are so easy for us. I have found that my music helps be get out of that. When I listen to music my head stops turning and I can just relax. Music is a funny thing too, we can be so influenced by theses words sometimes we dont even realize it. Thats me being sceptic again. Or maybe its just normal?  I dont even know anymore. Thats the basic truth. I really dont know. I really don’t. 

This is a part of my Notes from Underground creative writing assignment. I part which I thought worked out of context. The basic idea for it was to sort of mirror the type of rant-like writing that the Underground Man wrote. It is an extreme version of thoughts that I have had before, written in a way that makes you look a little crazy. 

Revised Haiku- any suggestions?

this is water
thoughts swirl 
how can we change 

Earbuds in
She spaces out
no worries 

After the rain
streets clean
A new start

Riding to the beach 

wind in my hair 

eighth grade memories 

Horrible puns 

laughing all day 

best friends 

Some more Haiku

With earbuds in
She stares for a moment
The world is silent

After a rain
Everything is clean
A new start

Phone buzzes
She opens the message
And smiles

little golden puppy
Tail wagging
Peaceful bliss

A Few Haiku

January fog

my breath shows up 

on the windowpane 

sitting at a table

best friends 

laughing 

eighth grade 

riding to the beach 

wind in my hair 

New Years Resolutions

New Years just came and passed and I never really came up with any resolutions or goals to accomplish. As I am thinking about it right now, my biggest goal for this coming year is to think about other people before myself. I can recall a few times where I put my family aside when I was upset or stressed or too involved in my own world and it hurt them. I really want to fix that over the next year. Even if thats all I am able to accomplish I will be extremely happy.

The Grass is Always Greener

Momma! Momma! You must let me go on that roller coaster!

As a walked up the steps towards my first actual roller coaster ride, my heart racing, I could not wait to experience the magical ride my friends talked so much about. I just barely made the minimum height which many of my friends had reached months before. Finally, the line moving so slowly, I was almost on the ride I had dreamt about every night. As I boarded the small car, my mom gave me one final warning that I might not enjoy the ride as much as I thought. Since I heard this same warning many times, it didn’t lure me to hesitate to buckle myself in. As the car slowly pulled away from the loading area, I grew more and more excited. The car rose higher and higher, I could feel my heart pumping in my chest. I reached the very top of the roller coaster, and I realized something; I was afraid of heights. This had never occurred to me before but as I was nearing the top, this new fear arose. The next two minutes of the ride was absolute torture. My stomach felt like it was going to end up in my mouth.  I stepped off the platform, my arms and legs shaking, and decided that I didn’t like roller coasters at all.  

How I Handle Stress

I often get stressed out when it comes to balancing my homework and school with doing the things I enjoy as well as seeing friends. At the beginning of this last quarter, I was really stressed out about keeping up with the classes that I signed up for this year. Now, I feel like I have been able to balance things a bit better, but soon I will be playing soccer and will not have as much free time. This scares me a little because I will have to completely change my schedule. I sometimes deal with a lot of stress and have found some good ways to handle it. 

I like listening to music as well as playing the piano. 

I also like to take little breaks in between assignments and either have a snack or watch some tv. 

Doing a mini creative project also helps me when I have a lot of extra time and I am no longer working efficiently. 

And if none of the others work I will clean or rearrange my room 

These relax me and help me forget about what I was stressed about for a while. 

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